Walter's Wisdom

First post as an audio, feedback appreciated!

I recently had a conversation that both amused me and made me a little angry. On Nemrut Dağı in Turkey, I got into a conversation with Walter, from traveller to traveller. Walter was travelling with his girlfriend in a camper van, both in their 60s I would say, both from Germany.

Nemrut is located in the middle of nowhere. The mountain lies in a beautiful vast landscape, far away from mobile network and civilisation. In places like this, I usually feel a little uneasy alone in the van. I pay attention to my gut feeling, which has gotten me here safely after all. I don't really want to leave this area tonight, after all it's quite beautiful here, but at the same time I'm not really keen on spending a night alone in the middle of nowhere.

Sneaky as I am, I ask Walter where they are planning on staying with their van for the night and whether it would be okay if I maybe stayed somewhere nearby. His girlfriend quickly turns down my request , because she's allergic to dog hair, she says. All right.

That's not a problem of course, I'll be fine. What is a problem, however, are Walter's words as he bids me farewell: ‘And don't be so scared! It spoils the fun of travelling.’ I'm annoyed about this, somehow. But why? Maybe he's right, maybe I am too scared?

Walter, I'm going to have to generalise you a bit here and I'm sorry about that. We don't know each other well enough and maybe this text doesn't do you justice. Well, or maybe it does.

While Walter speaks

You say I shouldn't be so afraid.

In your many decades of life experience, that's exactly what you've learnt. The world isn't actually as bad as it's always said. On all your travels, you have learnt that people like you. You are invited into foreign cultures, you get yourself shit-faced with other men and you get to know people who show you what humanity can really be like: Warm, open and kind. And in any case, you know that you can defend yourself, because you've been taught to.

So you say: ‘Take it easy!’ 

Walter, I have to assume that you probably don't have a clue how solo-travelling has been working out for me in my 20s. But no problem, I'll tell you. Because while you're saying I shouldn't be so scared, I'm thinking about how I grew up:

I think about how I was warned about strangers (referring to men) in primary school, while stories of kidnapping or abuse of women were an essential part of my socialisation. As you speak, I'm thinking about how I wished I was a man, before the age of ten. As a National Geographic reader in the 2000s, I wanted nothing more than to experience those insane adventures for myself, travelling to faraway lands and taking pictures. But only men do that, I realised, and concluded well before my first period: maybe later I can take hormones to grow a beard, wear my hair short and my clothes loose. Then, I thought, but only then will I be able to travel safely and be accepted in this world.

I think of all the minor and major assaults I have experienced. I think of how men, strangers I have never met, bossed me around or how I was ignored in everyday situations when I was accompanied of a male person. I think about how trained my intuition has become because I have to be able to quickly analyse whether someone is trustworthy or not, which is existential to the very meaning of the word. I think about how I've been openly approached and asked for sex by strangers on the street while travelling, and I think about all the stories I've heard from other female travellers. Every one of them has a such story to tell, some more, some less. I think of my anger while seeing their shame, because the wrong people are ashamed, obviously.

A constant feeling of fear has been part of my everyday life for as long as I can remember. Don't stay out too long, don't wear skirts that are too short and don't smile too wide, which could be interpreted as an invitation.

But, Walter, you can't know that and I'm glad you don't, because you didn't have to go through this. I've also learnt that the world isn't actually as bad as it's always said and that people like me. I also was invited into foreign cultures, got shit-faced and met people who showed me what humanity can really be like. And I have been able to experience some insane adventures and travel to faraway countries, which would make my 10-year-old me as proud as it can possibly get. Yet, we live in different worlds, you and me.

I think about all this and wonder if you can ever really understand. But while you speak, I remain silent.

PS: Walter, my now generalised encounter, can be replaced. This article could just as easily be entitled ‘Tips from Thomas the Traveller' or ‘Frank's philosophies’.